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Beat-The-Wedding-Bell-Blues
"Double Take" Q & A Archives
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Stressed
About Fitting Into Her Wedding Dress!
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"Ever
since I can remember, I've dreamed about my wedding day and how
I will look walking down the aisle. I've poured over the bridal
magazines and studied the models to find just the right "look."
The problem is, I've gained quite a bit of weight since I got engaged
. My wedding day is just 2 months away and I'm totally stressed
out that I won't look good on my wedding day. The wedding dress
I bought can be altered to fit me, but I feel so unattractive! What
can I do about looking great for my wedding?
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JESSICA'S
TAKE:
ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:
As
Advice Sister Alison said, it is common to gain weight because of
pre-wedding jitters. Who hasn't had the experience of living with
that feeling( when a big event comes
) that there's "nothing to wear" that you can fit into and
feel good about? This is an especially stressful time for you (bad
time for dieting as you probably already know!) and you may be worried
that you won't be "beautiful" on your very special day.You
may feel that you will not be beautiful at your wedding if you are
not "thin" but as Advice Sister Alison points out, many
models in those wedding magazines wearing those bridal gowns do not
look anything like their glamorous pictures out of the eye of the
camera! Even most normal weight people don't stand a chance of being
able to look like those models or wear some of those form-fitting
clothes they do! And why should they? Is an anorexic teenager the
standard that all women should hold themselves up to? Is the muscle-bound
man the standard for all men? Of course not! All brides are beautiful
because they have an inner glow that is far more compelling than what
you see in the fashion magazines!Experience tells weight counselors
that people who set unrealistic weight goes ("I have to get into
that dress by May 1st) are doomed to fail. Perhaps you might want
to set a more realistic goal of losing SOME weight that you can reach
that will help you FEEL better about your appearance at your wedding.
If you hate the way you look in the dress you picked, you may get
the store to let you switch to another style that is "off the
rack." Pick another dress you think is beautiful and then wear
it proudly even if you'd like to lose more weight after the wedding.
If you have to keep the dress you selected, ask the store if there
is a way to alter it to make it more flattering (E.g. remove the ever-present,
huge bow that adorns the back near your derriere, drape some fabric
or add interest around a dropped waist, or move the eye upwards).
As ASA points out, if you want to "win" at the weight loss
game, set a reasonable expectation of what you are likely to be able
to lose and then maintain, a sensible eating regime (NOT a diet--they
NEVER work!), along with exercise you can tolerate and are likely
to stick with. It doesn't have to be standard workouts. Take a dance
class, or take the stairs more often. Eat meals that are foods YOU
LIKE but moderate the portions...never put serving dishes on the table,
but serve food onto PLATES so that you will not be tempted to load
up your plate more than once. At those pre-wedding parties, cut down
on the drinking (unless it's water...drink TONS of that) because alcohol
makes you eat more. Take small portions of cake and sweets at showers
and don't allow the hostess to insist you eat more or take the rest
home. The only cake you want to save is the top of your wedding cake...and
that's two months off!My best advice is to enjoy your wedding and
FEEL BEAUTIFUL no matter what your size, looking with pride to the
small victories: the five pounds you have ALREADY lost...not the 25
you still have left to go!
THE ADVICE SISTERS AGREE: No matter
what you look like, don't let it spoil your wedding for you. Be radiant
and proud of who you are. Look into your groom's eyes and you will
be sure to see the love he has for you that makes you feel beautiful.
Be WONDERFUL and loving to yourself as you are now! Remind yourself,
even if no one else does of your positive features and assets (you
KNOW you have some!) Don't wait until you are "thin" to
look beautiful! Accentuate your best features (E.g. your lovely eyes,
your pretty hair, your delicate hands, your gorgeous skin, your winning
smile)! These are beautiful traits that you can enjoy about yourself
today and always. Be the BEST you can be at any weight you are .you
feel beautiful and confident, you will look that way, even if you'd
rather you were fifty pounds lighter!We think that what really counts
is that you are beautiful INSIDE as well as out! A normal weight person
with a mean spirit can never really look beautiful. Remember, losing
weight is just one part of being a beautiful person. Your real happiness
must come from within!Your fiancé picked you because of all the wonderful
things you are in real life and for the unique things you bring into
his life...not because he has a vision of you from a magazine in which
your wedding dress hangs "just so" on you! Stress less about
fitting into that dress! When you look at your photos years from now,
will the most important thing you remember about that day be that
you were a perfect size 6? |
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ALISON'S
TAKE:
ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:
The best thing you
can do to look great is change your attitude. Why let a few pounds
ruin your fun leading up to the wedding, or make you feel unhappy
on your wedding day? Many people find getting engaged, planning a
wedding, and planning for the future to be stressful and put on (or
take off) weight during this period. I
think part of your distress over your weight and what to do about
it "before the wedding" may be due to unreasonable expectations
placed on people, especially women, to equate being "thin"
with happiness, success, money, power and being beautiful. There's
nothing wrong with being slender and keeping your weight within healthy
limits, as long as you are not resorting to extremes to do it. However,
if being thin is an obsession and your lifestyle and outlook aren't
healthy, losing the weight isn't going to bring you the sense of well-being
you crave...especially on your wedding day. Don't be upset that you
don't look exactly like size 4, whisper-thin women you see in the
bridal magazines. Keep in mind that they are professional models who
are often very young, with childlike bodies that adults can't have
without resorting to extreme measures. These wedding images models
portray are caught in a moment of time--they aren't living, working,
and moving around like real people do in the real world. Without the
lighting, the glamorous clothes, the pretty scenery, the team of makeup
artists and hairstylists who spend HOURS getting the "look"
just right and fixing up any face or hair problems as they happen,
those models are not pretty at all. Most are pale, unhealthy, unremarkable,
and sometimes, just plain UGLY! Most of us naturally LOT better than
they do without their makeup! The average woman shouldn't try to look
like them because we are NOT them. If you have a more than 10 pounds
to lose, it will be difficult if not impossible for you to accomplish
this without jeopardizing your health. You may lose the weight, but
feel look drained in your photos and feel too exhausted to enjoy your
wedding day. Don't try to lose it all with starvation, pills, or quick
diets. A modest weight loss is a good goal and you can accomplish
this with a healthy diet and exercise. In fact, exercising may reduce
some of your stress and make you feel more confident and energized.
I urge you to consult your doctor or a nutritionist, and set a reasonable
goal. Not everyone is physically built to be model-thin. Eat when
you feel the need, but make good decisions. I've never known anyone
who said "I feel so bad about not being thin for my wedding,
I think I'll have a piece of lettuce!" Have the things you crave,
but do it in moderation!If you're feeling less than confident and
really want to pull off a polished bridal look, splurge on professional
hair and makeup for your wedding day. They will not only help you
look your best but they also know the techniques that make those bridal
photos you've been eyeing, look so great . Also, enlist the aid of
your bridal shop to help you reach your goals. Tell them of your concerns
and make sure they fit your gown properly. They will make creative
suggestions for altering the dress, and will suggest the right foundations
to wear underneath to help you carry off the look. You're not the
first bride-to-be who bought a gown months ago and arrives that the
final fittings a different size and shape! Bridal stores know how
to deal with this situation, and they will work with you to make sure
you walk down the aisle looking beautiful.
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