What is True Love? Do You Have It?
By Alison Blackman
What is True Love?
As I was writing this feature I glanced at the TV news. At the bottom of the screen, there was an item reporting that a couple, married over 70 years, had just died hours apart.
At first, I thought they must have had a true love and couldn’t bear life apart. But maybe they were so used to each other it was just an extreme form of co-dependence.
Obviously, it’s complicated.
On my dating and relationship advice website, leatherandlaceadvice.com, we received a letter asking us just that question “How do I know if the love I have is a true love?”
We had a difficult time answering. There are so many facets to love, but this is what we came up with:
A Definition of True Love
“Love” is ultimately caring for and caring about another person. Love is ultimately the desire to be with and around that person. But true love is more than just love.
True love is so powerful it is more a “knowing” you both share that can’t be put into mere words. It gives you a feeling of serenity that is always with you, even if that person isn’t with you.
You know that there is someone who you love who loves you back just as much, and the world feels like a better place because you have been blessed with this special connection.
Even if you can’t be near this person or don’t see them for a long time, the feeling of true love between you remain strong.
True Love Doesn’t Have To Be A Romantic Love
True love might not always be of the romantic variety, although it often is.
Consider Actress Debbie Reynolds and her daughter, Carrie Fisher. They were so closely bonded so closely that Debbie Reynolds that when Carrie died suddenly, Debbie died just days later.
The need to love and protect your child, and the urge to be with them as in the love of a mother for her daughter is definitely, a true love.
True Love Isn’t Logical
When it comes to romance, many times there is no logic to the one we fall in love with.
You may have read about heterosexual men or women who suddenly are besotted with someone of their same sex, even though they never thought about it before.
Someone sees a fleeting glimpse of someone else and claims love at first sight.
These examples are really infatuation or lust. True love takes some time to develop. You really have to know someone completely to completely love them.
A true love relationship has to be mutual and lasting even when the relationship hits a rough patch. All relationships no matter how wonderful, do. There’s a reason wedding vows include: “for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death part us.”
Two Parts of a Whole?
No matter what occurs in the relationship your love remains strong. You feel secure with your feelings towards each other even when you are annoyed or things don’t go well. You don’t stop loving them even when they irritate or disappoint you because any negatives are just a small part of all the good things they are.
It’s not far-fetched to say that two people who truly love one another are individuals but they are two parts of a whole — in sync with one another in their body language with a one-ness you can see.
True lovers retain their own identities, but together they’re an unbreakable unit, stronger and happier.
True Love is a Selfless Love
True love is selfless. You want someone else to succeed. You aren’t jealous if good things happen for them even if you don’t share in the benefits. You wish for their well being and happiness as much or more than your own.
Selfless love can also be unromantic love, exemplified by religious figures such as Mother Teresa or the Dalai Llama. We are not all saints, but when it comes to true love, you would gladly make a sacrifice for that person because it is important to them, even if there is nothing at all in it for you.
Love is a sort of involuntary submission — one you joyfully enter even when it doesn’t seem to make any sense.
If you have this kind of love, you are very lucky. But if you don’t have it, there’s always the chance that you’ll find it. When you do, you’ll know what it is.