Easy Ways to Enhance Romance on Valentine’s Day & Every Day (do it now)

Valentines-Day words
Most of us think of “romance” as requiring two people.  That’s especially true around Valentine’s Day.

But the actual Origins of Valentines Day are not so lovely or romantic. Valentine’s Day, February 14th,  is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD.  The day first became associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. There are several different versions of how and why Valentine’s Day started, and none of them are particularly savory. Could  St. Valentine have been a cat? Who knows?  One legend suggests that Valentine was a priest in third century Rome who was killed after he performed marriages in defiance of Emperor Claudius II  ban on marriage for young men. Other legends have Valentine being killed for helping Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured. Another legend is that Valentine wrote a love letter to a young woman before he died in prison, signed: “From your Valentine.”  Whatever the actual truth, he became one of the most popular saints in England and France. In Great Britain, by the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes on February 14th. Americans started following Valentine’s Day tradition in the early 1700s and in the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.  Ever since, Valentines Day has been lovely, or loathesome, depending upon how you view it.

While it’s it’s nice to say: “I Love You” to someone special on Valentine’s Day, this isn’t something that you should do just on one day. And if you are single, keep in mind that Valentine’s Day greetings aren’t just for lovers. One of the nicest Valentine’s Day surprises I ever received wasn’t from a man at all, but from a BFF who knew I ‘d broken up with my boyfriend.  She come over with a manicurist and two bottles of nail polish,  two (little) bottles of champagne and some chocolate truffles. We had a great time toasting ourselves, even though we didn’t have dates, and went out (with great looking nails) and found (temporary) romance with some great looking (and single) guys and had a fabulous time.   So tell the people that mean the most to you, from your family members to your friends, even to your pets, that you are thinking of them, whether you’re happily in love with someone special, or not.

NOW — to the main point of my article.  Romance isn’t just for Valentine’s Day (you already know this), but if you’ve been with your special someone for a while,  perhaps some of the romance has faded?  If so, here are some easy ways to bring the sizzle back.  These aren’t mystical, magical tricks, but things you can do every day to make your relationship stronger and more romantic. Most don’t even take any planning, and are free. All you have to do is be motivated….

Romantic Couple Kissing Paris, France

Most of us think of romance as something that just happens. You’re “in the moment” and emotion just carries you  But if you’re a busy person, or you’re just preoccupied with life in general, or you’ve been with your partner a long time, enhacing romance might most effective with a bit of thought. Some of the things that help enhance romance are simply that, being thoughtful. They don’t cost a thing. All that you need to do is remember to think about them. So Simple! Other ways to enhance romance take some preparation, but you don’t need to be a meeting planner to pull them off.  here are some of Leather and Lace’s favorite ideas to enhance romance. Which ones will you try?


Say Something Nice:  This one is a no brainer. It doesn’t cost a thing.  But if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, or if you’ve had some disagreements lately, those raw nerve endings tend to remain, dulling feelings of romance.    When you are initially attracted and in the first stages of a relationship, everything fascinates you about your new love.  But as time goes on, those little things aren’t so interesting anymore, and couples tend to take those qualities for granted. Eventually, it’s the little things that irritate and annoy us that we articulate, instead of the little things that once enchanted us. So what your partner hears is only the negative.  One harsh and angry word can completely ruin the mood.  If you want someone to want to love you, you have to be kind to them. Plain and simple.  So simply being nice to your partner, recognizing their good points or something they did for you (e.g. putting away the dishes or contacting the bank about that overdrawn check), and saying something loving and complimentary– but make it something honest– even if it’s something small and even if it is just once a day, can help enhance romance.

Put Issues To Bed Before You Get Into It:  Doubtless your mother advised you never to go to bed angry at your partner. It’s good advice, but who really listens to this all the time? It isn’t easy to feel good about your partner 24/7 because big and little issues get in the way, causing anxiety and hurt feelings, but you can’t feel romantic (or have great sex) when you are harboring anger, resentment or worry towards your partner.  If you are lying in bed fuming and thinking to yourself,  what did I ever see in this person?  you not only can’t feel romantic,  you won’t even get a decent night’s sleep.  Close your eyes and focus on the things that made you love this person in the first place.  If you can’t think of a single thing, your relationship is in serious trouble and you might want to call a counselor in the morning.  But most people will start to breathe more normally, and the immediate anger will subside. Tell yourself that you brain has to send all the bad thoughts you are feeling right now to another place where they will sit while you deal with sex, or sleep or both because you need to focus on the person you are with. You can do it if you try.

..and on the Topic of the Bedroom – Toy With the Idea:  Children like toys because they stimulate the brain, boost creativity and offer new ways to recreate.  Adult toys do the same thing to enhance romance.  The Sinclair Institute  for example, offers tons of different toys to enhance romance and give you a chance to try something new  If you’ve never tried toys, pick out a few things and play.  It could open up an entirely new way to enhance romance and connect with your partner.

 Share Something New – she’s into her book club and he plays cards with his friends, but what do they do together? Just about nothing.  Couples who do things together not only develop and maintain common interests, they maintain more interest in each other and have something to talk about besides complaints and chores. We live in a busy world and most of us are already over-booked with things we must do, but instead of the suggested and traditional “date night” which I don’t recommend, I like the idea of taking a dance class, or a cooking class, or joining a choral group together,  or a bowling league — the point is to do something consistently together where you can develop a shared interest. Another benefit of this is the potent ital to meet like-minded couples with whom you can develop friendships and additional social opportunities.

Look Decent:  When we first meet someone we tend to put a lot more effort into how we look, but after a while, it’s easy to fall into an image rut.  You’re not going out as much, you’re hanging out a home, maybe you’ve gained weight, or you just don’t feel the need to impress your partner.  The thing is, looks still matter.  There is no need to greet him at the door dressed only in saran wrap, or a French maid’s outfit (unless that is something you both like), but wearing sweats around the house all the time is depressing for both of you. This is particularly true if you work at home, are between jobs, or are retired. are currently unemployed.  I know of more than one man (and this includes an ex husband of mine — only one of the many reasons he is an EX), that decided that weekend were for not bathing.  There’s relaxed, and smelly enough that the woman you are with doesn’t want to have sex with you because you smell like you’ve been lying in a gutter and your breath has last night’s onions on it.  And a guy who has come directly from the gym and thinks his sweat is going to be a big turn on, may be surprised to know that it truly isn’t.   If you want to enhance romance, at least clean yourself up and wear something that shows you care enough to be ready for it.  Oh, and if you want to send a direct message that romance is what you are really after, wear red. It’s the color of love. In fact, it’s been proven that the color red makes hearts beat faster.

Environment Matters So Clean Up Your Home, Too: Does your house look like a disaster area you never fix or clean and your bedroom a reminder of all the chores you haven’t done in weeks?  Piles of dirty laundry and unpaid bills on your dresser are no way to enhance romance. It’s time to clear away the clutter.  You might not be able to turn a pigsty into a palace overnight, but one place in your home should be an attractive, calm, pleasing place where you and your special someone can snuggle. If you can’t hide the clutter, the kid’s toys, the ugly furniture, throw a pretty sheet or blanket over it.  Replace the smelly pillows your pet chewed and deodorize the room. Get rid of the pet hair stuck to …well…everywhere (that’s what lint rollers are for). Your bathroom might not be a spa, but a dingy one is a real romance-killer. Replace your threadbare linens with the best ones you can afford, and clean it up. Even two luxurious towels and new robes, plus a potpourri and some candles, can be a place to enhance romance.

Seduce Someone With Light –  Cheesy though it may be, candles, scented or not, are a calming but also seductive way to relax and enjoy the end of the day.  If your special someone comes home to a bunch of candles softly flickering, it’s a sign that the same old same old isn’t happening. Candles make any room romantic. Tall tapers on your dinner table to add a special touch to any meal, even if it’s just take-out. The battery operated candles are almost as good, and safer if you have pets and “little ones” crawling around.  Candles are calming, and enhance romance. Flowers are also romantic and add romance to your world. Get flowers that are fragrant and buy a bunch for your boudoir. Better yet, send some to that special someone with a note that you’re planning something special for the evening….

 If Music Be the Food of Love, Play On:  This is one of my all time favorites quotes from Shakespeare. Music really does have powerful, almost magical charms. The Philospher Plato noted this very long time ago.  True romance killers are the sounds of reality messing around with your reverie. That would include hearing the your neighbors, kids, dogs and babies, and other invasive noise from outside your love nest. Worse still, is dull, deadly silence. So add some romantic background music. You have your own favorites, but if you are really stumped on what works to change a mood, try a classic crooner to sing you to a happier place, or the inspiring sounds of something Classical, or  Romantic rock..whatever moves you both.

 ..and Speaking of Food for Love:  Do you believe that oysters will put you in the mood for love?  Whether that’s true or not, a bit of food and wine helps enhance romance, as long as you do it in moderation.  Dim the lights, fluff the pillows, put on some romantic music, d light the candles, and get ready for reomance with a few drinks and nibbles. Enjoy a “date” in your own home. Then, take it to the next level.

 Your Own Love Story -Thinking About Love Keeps It Alive– Keep a personal journal: The more you think about romance, the more you are likely to act on it. So keep a journal of your own thoughts and let them remind you that love isn’t something that’s occasional. It’s something you celebrate every day.  You might even write about the romantic interludes you’re experiencing and how they’re working for you, so you can go back over them and see which things really turn the switch to ON.  And send notes to your special someone telling them how special they are to you.  You can write them, or email them, text them, or use whatever method you want to express yourself. The point is that no one is a mind reader. Don’t keep the feelings to yourself. Share them, and make his/her day!  You can also read erotic literature to each other. Nothing stimulates the brain more than someone else’s romantic adventures. Then, make your own.

*for more ways to enhance romance and your relationships, visit my other web sites, Leather and Lace Advice and Leather and Lace SPICE 

Alison Blackman Dunham 


About Advicesisters

Alison Blackman Dunham aka. “Advice Sister Alison” and “The Advice Sisters” is a writer, photographer, online advisor, and lifestyles consultant. She has built her reputation offering readers a unique perspective on life, in print, in person and through the camera lens. Her focus is on advice, beauty, fashion, lifestyles, relationships and things that help make life easier, more successful and more fun. Please follow Alison on Twitter @advicesisters and check out her other web (advice-related) sites: leatherandlaceadvice.com & leatherandlacespice.com

Speak Your Mind