JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

There's an old saying about gifts: that it isn't the gift but the thought that counts. Can you imagine how much effort it took your knittingly-challenged friend to make that scarf for you? You've seen the effort all over it! In my view, she must care for you very much to work that hard and subject herself to rejection of her handiwork to give you a special gift from the "heart." You did right by not insulting it. As to why you aren't wearing it, I guess I'd ask, "Why not?" If it's only a scarf, you need only tuck into your jacket or coat to get from home to work. No one is likely to even notice it...but if they do, you can proudly proclaim, "My girlfriend made this for me...isn't that great?" and they are sure to agree that you are a lucky guy to have someone who cares so much for you. If you can't bring yourself to wear it "around," why not take it to your office, hang it on the coat rack or over your credenza where your girlfriend can see it if she visits and you will have spared her feelings without wearing the gift. As for making sure you don't get any more handmade gifts...well, my suggestion is that YOU suggest that NEXT gift-giving YOU want to be sure SHE gets what she really wants from you...so wouldn't it be fun to go to the mall and window shop for "wish lists" of what you'd really like for gifts? Chances are YOUR next gift will be that pocket knife you've wanted...not another scarf..but if it is, I'd accept it graciously with the love it was obviously made.

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

A gift from the heart is wonderful, I agree...but you've made it clear that the scarf was hideous and it has become a source of tension for you instead of a joyous gift. In my view, if you don't want another gift situation just like this one, you really need to communicate to your friend how you feel, now. If her feelings are a little hurt about your assessment of her handiwork (come on..she's GOT to know that the scarf didn't come out all that well!) at least she will appreciate your honesty. In my view, that's the best policy when faced with a situation in which you are likely to receive more of what you didn't want in the first place...perhaps for a lifetime!

While I believe your friend decided to give you this special gift from the best place in her heart, it actually shows a lack of concern for you to insist that you use or display wear any gift. Once a gift is given to you, it's yours and it is bad manners for the giver to continue to dictate what the new owner does with it! Additionally, if the scarf really looks as bad as you say, she must know that it puts you in a very awkward situation to insist that you wear it to work, of all places.

Gifts are usually given because the giver feels this item will be something the recipient will treasure. But relationships are based on trust. Lying to her and making her feel that you would like even more homemade gifts, when you dread the idea, is dishonest and won't make life easier for either of you should the relationship last. My suggestion is that you let her know that you will treasure this scarf...but explain that while you are very touched that she took the time to make you a hand knit gift, you really can't wear it to the office( because you feel it is too intimate and special). If you are past the casual dating stage, I like Advice Sister Jessica's suggestion that the two of you "wish-list window shop" together from time to time.