JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

I agree with Advice Sister Alison that relationships take time...and even though the weeks have been "wonderful, 7 of them do not make a lifetime. It is definitely true that sometimes when men are introduced to a new woman and they suddenly realize this could be their mate, and things are progressing wonderfully, they start having thoughts that there might be "more" they get panicked and back off. By the way, this happens with women too. Your new friend has enjoyed the "thrill of attracting you, but now that he can see he's interested you and you're interested in him, he wants to back away. What this tells me is that he moved ahead quickly and "hooked" you. Now that you are definitely interested, he has cold feet. You ask: "What could have changed his feelings so quickly?" And the answer to that is, that you CARED and SHOWED it!

Does this mean then that when you get involved with someone you should pretend you don't so he can continue to have the fun of chasing you and making you "fall" for him? No, it doesn't. THE ADVICE SISTERS don't believe in playing games that way. What it DOES mean is that right now, at this time, this man is not ready for the kind of intense feelings the relationship he has with you has caused. When he says it is not your fault that is absolutely true...but alas, you are stuck with the sleepless nights and aching heart wondering whether there was something else you could have done. The answer to your problem right now is to do what Advice Sister Alison suggested...make a real effort to keep things on a low key, even level. Even if you are tempted to admit your undying love, don't. Let the relationship develop more slowly--regardless of how you think HE was the one pushing it forward too fast, and see what happens. In our book, RECRUITING LOVE: USING THE BUSINESS SKILLS YOU HAVE TO FIND THE LOVE YOU WANT (Cyclone books, l998) we show singles how to define and set their own relationship goals. It is vitally important to know what you REALLY want and not just what you think you want in a relationship. Take it slow and let your new friend get more comfortable with his new feelings for you without any additional pressure and soon you will see progress in the relationship. But if he really isn't "ready" and you are, it's time for you to find someone who has similar relationship goals and stop wasting your time with someone who doesn't share your vision of what a relationship should be.

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

Sarina, in my view you've done nothing wrong. Relationships take time. It is clear this boyfriend man is "conflicted" about his feelings. For a lot of men, the realization that they are under the spell of a fantastic woman is both exciting and frightening. So one minute they're full steam ahead, and the next, they're backing off. Be yourself and try to relax.

The Advice Sisters know of a woman who was introduced to a young man and interest between the two progressed really fast. The woman was certain that she'd found her after only a few weeks, but one night they were visiting friends and someone referred to Gillie as "Andrew's girlfriend." That night on the way home, the young man told her that he needed to slow things down. She was shocked, but wisely backed away. Two weeks later the young man called, and they were engaged to be married.

I believe that soon enough, your new friend will get used to the fact that he has strong feelings for you, and settle down to enjoy that! So be happy to hear from him when he calls, and go out with him when both of you want to. The less said, the better. Just get to know one another and don't push, don't do anything special ...just "BE."