JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

There's no point in my mentioning that you fell into a classic situation where someone IS going to get hurt--probably a lot of people-- on a lot of levels. I'm not a big advocate of dating people you work with and NEVER the boss (you could get fired and that is something you should be prepared for if he decides to take the easy way out and pin everything on you). It's horrible for your reputation as you have found out...people adore a scandal at the office. And on top of it, it appears you are having your "affair" on "company time" (or did) even if the boss was a party to this.

Then, of course there is the issue of the woman he lives with. They are not married, so it's not adultery in the technical sense, but you have to ask yourself that if this man would do this to someone he has lived with for eight years (seven years in some states constitutes common law marriage!), how could you think he is going to treat you differently if you do ultimately get together (something he also hasn't even suggested, as far as I can tell).

It sounds to me like your boss doesn't have very good sense and certainly, not your best interests in mind, in this whole thing. You could lose everything--your job, your reputation and your heart. What has he got to lose? Do you see an imbalance here?

Tell yourself what you already know...that what happened between you and the boss was an infatuation that went too far. End it. Now. No lunches or anything. The people in the office already know what is happening. Office scandal is oh so juicy–but if you STOP, it will die down. Your only other alternative is to find another job. It's great that you love the people and the job but you made a choice that might force you now to move elsewhere...and if you love this job, chances are you will find another in the same field you also enjoy--away from this boss who, I can guarantee you, is not going to leave his live-in partner nor give up HIS job so you can be happy.

You're in a mess...but you can still get out. I also suggest you read our book immediately- RECRUITING LOVE: USING THE BUSINESS SKILLS YOU HAVE TO FIND THE LOVE YOU WANT. It will help you change for the better by assisting you in prioritizing what your own needs and "non-negotiables" are. When you know someone has got a "non-negotiable" (being your boss, living with someone else and not committing himself being three of them right there) you don't waste your time ! Plain and simple. Living with a woman for eight years who is your boss is definitely a hands-off situation. Learn from it and don't do it again.

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

You are involved with a man who lives with his girlfriend. That means he is cheating on his girlfriend by being with you. You are the "other woman." This man is not available Look carefully at what you have told us. You say that he has never said that he is going to break up with his girlfriend...but he has said that he doesn't want anyone to get hurt. Face reality: this man has a girlfriend he isn't breaking up with. He says he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, but he IS hurting two women at once! Do you really think so little of yourself that you would let someone treat you like this? Do you realize you are in "love" with a liar and a cheat? Even if he leaves his girlfriend, how can you ever trust him? What do you see here? He is a selfish man because this is about what he wants and not about what the two of you want or deserve at all! This man is playing two women for fools and as long as you are willing to let him have his cake and eat it, he will gorge on you!Cut off the feast and be grateful you're not the "real" girlfriend (although she isn't being treated like a girlfriend should). Let him go and put your mind back on your work.