JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

The good news is that even though you've been out of the "meet market" for some time, dating is very much like meeting people under any circumstances–at a party or gathering, at work. The most important rule to remember is that going overboard to "impress" really has the opposite effect. When you're dating, you want learn who someone really is, and no no one wants a "fake" when they can have the real thing.. Be yourself. Don't try to be an outrageous flirt, play silly games, or pretend to be anything you're not. Your date is either going to like you for the person who you really are, or you're not meant for one another anyway. The purpose of dating is to find out who might be a love match for you, not to make everyone love you! You were married before so you know how to relate to a woman.. You didn't forget how!

Dating is dating at any age. If it makes you feel any better, even the most sophisticated and successful men and women experience first date jitters–no one is immune! Advice Sister Alison suggested our E-guide YOU ARE THE ONE EVERYONE WANTS but I'd like to also suggest that you consider getting a copy of our E-guide: FEEL GREAT/BE GREAT While You Date. You'll find some good ideas about non-threatening but creative places to take a date or to just get a laugh to boost your confidence. Reading this book might be just the finishing touch you need to polish your confidence so you can go out there and finally meet Fran! I understand that you're nervous about dating again because you haven't done it for quite some time, but it's a bit like riding a bicycle–you never totally forget how even if at first, you seem a bit rusty! The good news is that you are not eighteen, and you don't have raging hormones and a vast world of inexperience to cope with. Your date is probably nervous too, so remember, you are not alone in this situation. Just like a job search (which we think is very similar to a love search), most people have to go on a number of interviews before they get asked back a second time and perhaps, get a job offer. If it turns out that one (or both) of you decide you're not a good enough match to go out again, don't take it too personally. Be ready and willing to ask someone else who might be a better fit. You are making the first step towards a possible new relationship with someone else and that alone is worthy of the effort. Whether Fran is the right one or not, if you take that plunge back into dating you will open yourself up to a world of new possibilities with wonderful people you will never meet eating meals alone and watching television. Go for it!

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

Knowing the right thing to do is the best defense against nerves in any social situation, including first dates. THE ADVICE SISTERS have just come out with a new 34-page guide in an electronic format called YOU ARE THE ONE EVERYONE WANTS TO MEET that offers advice and tips about how to be more confident and social not just on dates, but in life, in general. We highly recommend this as an excellent refresher course for you! You can read a free sample from this guide and get more information at: http//users.rcn.com/adunham/publications.html where we also have a number of other good guides for singles. If you don't want to read our books, I suggest you check out a general etiquette book (yes, that's right–they're not just for ladies who lunch and wonder if they should cut an olive with a knife and fork). Knowing basic manners can get you past a lot of life's awkward moments!

Meanwhile, the best way to get over dating jitters is to remind yourself that your date is fortunate to have met you. From your note we know that she's already interested in going out with you, so you can relax a bit. Keep an open mind and a positive attitude about meeting Fran (you already know something about her from corresponding) and tell yourself with a self-affirmation that she likes you and the date will go well! . If you are very, very nervous, suggest a short date -such as coffee in the afternoon–where you can make a faster exit if it's clear the two of you made a mistake. The nice thing about having met on a singles site and having corresponded though is that you are not meeting as blind strangers–you already have built something in common to talk about and share!

Don't worry too much about picking just the right place or saying just the right thing. This is not a "make or break" situation. The goal of a first date is simply to exchange information between you and your date, to see if you'd like to pursue further dates. Keep the conversation light. Talk about things you both already know you have in common (E.g. your experiences on the Internet). Furthermore, I see nothing wrong with admitting that you have some "first date fright." Admitting your nerves shows you are confident, and honest. These are two good qualities your date is sure to appreciate–and relate to! You are courageous to get out there and date again after so many years. You could stay home–but then again, you will never meet Fran or anyone else who might light up your life if you do.