JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

There's an old saying that you should never marry anyone unless you've met his or her parents and his or her friends. It's a good rule of thumb... most of the time. Given biology and social conditioning, most of us have "picked up" a lot of how our parents BEHAVE, what they BELIEVE, and how they THINK. When you are getting to know someone, especially when you are getting serious, a close look at the personalities of their parents even more importantly, at the relationship BETWEEN them can give you a pretty decent idea how your new love may think and act in YOUR relationship. No, it doesn't mean that if his or her parents fight like tom cats you two will as well, but it is a red flag to watch as your own relationship develops.

But you asked specifically about "friends:

Ah friends! They can be so supportive or cause us such anxiety! My answer to you both is take a long, hard look at YOUR friends before you ditch that new love! You say that you trust your friends, but have they proven themselves to be good and impartial judges of important matters in your life before? Do they know you well enough to judge what is really right for YOU? Think twice about what your friends say if your crowd mostly gets together just for sports and partying and aren't the ones you've sought out when you've needed serious support in your life before. Do your friends have love interests of their own? If not, is it possible that they are jealous of your new love because they don't want you to spend more time away from them? Do your friends really "know" what is good for you and what you "need," or it is possible that when you all get together there is an assumption that you are "the in crowd" or the "sports crowd" or the "only women allowed/only men allowed" crowd so that bringing in an outsider who might have different interests and ideas is threatening or a turn-off to them?

If you are convinced that your friends really know you well enough to decide whether Geena or Barry are losers, then you have to still have to decide even if your friends might be right. Are you ready to let their opinion make up your mind for you. Ask them WHY they specifically think Geena or Barry isn't right for you? If they can't answer, or if they seem unwilling to support your decision to move ahead with the romance despite what they'd said, maybe THEY aren't right for you any longer--not your new love!

In the final analysis, making your mind up about "how you feel" based on other people's estimation of them ALONE is not a good way to make this important decision. Weigh what your friends have said; determine if their assessment is unbiased, fair and in your best interests (not theirs) and then MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND!

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ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

Unless you've been living on Mars (or Venus)for a long time, you've probably watched the popular TV sitcom "Friends" or re-runs of that old 'yukfest,'"Three's Company." In tv-land you can't be the new love of a group member unless the entire group loves you, and you love all of them! I'm sure you've noticed that the boyfriend or girlfriend that the friends don't "like" always disappear from the show (pretty quickly, too).

Well, the acceptance of your new love by your friends is no laughing matter in real life. Unfortunately, real people face real peer pressure when trying to introduce a new face into his or her group of loyal, closely-knit friends. Nothing can sabotage a budding relationship faster than well-meaning friends (and family) scrutinizing a "new love" just a bit too closely. How and when you introduce someone to your friends and family will also affect the outcome. If it's done in an awkward way, your friend(s) may give your new love the cold shoulder, the third degree, or even tell him/her intimate information about your past that you'd rather have kept on hold until a later time.(ie: Your good buddy, Ed, can't wait to tell your new love about the time you, he and Brian went camping and you ran into these stewardesses with a case of beer and....)!

Every new relationship needs time to grow and solidify. The two of you need to spend enough time alone to get to know each other before adding the 'not-always-so-friendly' relations and friends to the mix. My first piece of advice to both Harriet and Harvey is not to rush the introductions!

If your friends aren't as wildly enthusiastic about your new love as you are, it could be for a wide variety of reasons. For example, your friends might just need some more time to warm up to the idea of a new person in your life. After all, if you become part of a couple, this "other half" becomes part of THEIR world, too, and getting comfortable with it takes time. However, if, like Harriet, your dearest friends unanimously give you a "thumbs down" about someone you're dating, it might just be because they see him or her without the hazy, rose-colored glasses of LOVE we tend to wear when we want to be in love. Devoted, intuitive friends (who give you substantive reasons for why they think the new love is "bad news") can give you valuable information and food for thought.

As Advice Sister Jessica said, friends are only human (no wonder the saying is that man's best friend is the dog!), and even the best of friends may feel a bit threatened, jealous, or over-protective when faced with the obvious fact that "one of the group" has "defected" and is spending a lot of time with someone outside of the group.

I disagree with Jessica on one major point: In my opinion, in the long run it doesn't really matter that much whether your friends like your new love. Friends may know a lot about you, but they're not inside your head and your heart. If your friends really care for you, they'll speak their minds but then support your choice, even if it's not the one they'd like you to make. In the final analysis, you are the primary person who has to live with the consequences of your decisions!