JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

We've heard of "love triangles" but a love triangle between two best friends and the men one of them is dating IS a tough one.

Lisa, the answer to your problem may lie in how you select the men you choose to date. While you have made it clear that you are introducing these men to Celia after you have only dated them a short while, it seems to me that any man who knew you had enough interest in him to introduce him to someone else very important in your life who then immediately ditched you to chase that person around is not only exhibiting terribly bad manners, but also clearly doesn't consider his relationship with you important enough to pursue. That these men don't care enough to even respect your feelings must make the situation doubly painful for you.

You don't tell us if Celia "encourages" these men you have introduced her to, but I am going to assume that she has not. If she is "taking" these men for herself when they approach her after you have introduced them, in my view, this is very disloyal on Celia's part. How would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were dating HER boyfriends who were ditching her to pursue you?

You already know the answer to that!

You have two options: either to wait until your relationship with whoever you are dating is solid enough so that you feel secure that he has a genuine interest in YOU, or else (and this might be the better idea) start more carefully choosing who you date. It sounds to this Advice Sister as though you may be wanting a serious relationship but dating men who just want to "play the field"...so any woman is fair game in their eyes. Our book , RECRUITING LOVE: USING THE BUSINESS SKILLS YOU HAVE TO FIND THE LOVE YOU WANT (Cyclone Books l998) not only can, but will help you identify the kind of men you are generally attracted to and help you determine what you really want (not just what you THINK you may want).

I see no reason(unless you have one you haven't shared with us) for you to ruin your friendship with Celia over what the men you are dating are doing. Meeting and making relationships with better men who care more for YOU than "scoring" with your friend or other women would seem to me the way to solve this very hurtful problem.

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

I agree with ADVICE SISTER JESSICA on most of her assessment of your situation (as you've laid it out for us). I can't imagine that every man you meet is so taken with your friend that he ditches you for her, but if that's really the cause, could it be that you are picking men who don't have much character and are shallow and mostly into looks?

As Advice Sister Jessica suggested your presentation and timing might also be ruining your chances to keep that man-of-the-moment by your side. If you introduce your friend Celia to your new man too soon, before your new relationship has had time to solidify, it might just send the signal that: "I'm not really interested in anything serious with you but I really like you, so meet my friend Celia who might want to date you......!"

Even if this isn't the case, it sounds like Celia is a "man magnet." Some women just have the knack of making each man feel like he is the only one she's interested in, even if she isn't interested at all. If Celia fits this category, she probably already knows the effect she has on men but you might point out to her that she needs to be more careful around you and your dates. Perhaps she really doesn't know what she's doing and needs to be reminded. Men just love having two great women vying for their attention and both of you and Celia are easy prey if you're not careful. It's even more irresistible when the two women are close friends. If Celia cares about you, she will see that this is a game she can't afford to join. She must send a very clear signal to any man you've introduced her to that she is NOT interested (but that since you ARE) she wouldn't even consider going out with him. If Celia offers no encouragement and refuses to date your new man and he STILL isn't hanging around), perhaps it's less because they're interested in Celia, and more because they have realized that you aren't the one for them. This would speak volumes about the men you are attracted to!

You might also want to help Celia get a love of her own so that she's not so interested in going out with yours!

In RECRUITING LOVE: USING THE BUSINESS SKILLS YOU HAVE TO FIND THE LOVE YOU WANT CLICK HERE! we say that it's most important to know what you want and also what you have to offer. For a true and lasting love it matters most for you to BE WHO YOU ARE and find the person(s)who appreciate you just for yourself. No matter what Celia does or doesn't do, you'll know you've found "a keeper" when (after meeting Celia) he says: "I enjoyed meeting Celia but I'm MUCH more attracted to you and couldn't think of dating anyone else!"