JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

I think there is a terribly unfair perception that people without weight problems have that overweight people are "lazy" with "no willpower" and "weak." What is worse is that "fat people" all too often have this same perception of themselves. You may admire those thin models in the magazines, but as Advice Sister Alison points out, many are anorexic, young girls who in real life do not look anything like their glamorous pictures out of the eye of the camera! Even most normal weight people don't stand a chance of being able to look like those models or wear the form-fitting clothes they do! And why should they? Is an anorexic teenager the standard that all women should hold themselves up to? Is the muscle-bound man the standard for all men? Of course not!

Advice Sister Alison gives good advice for dieting she couches in the language of "what normal weight people know. This advice can help you lose weight, but it might not be easy.

Many perpetually overweight people do not have the same "brakes" on their appetite as normal weight people do. These people have no sense of ever being "full" and will just eat until whatever is in front of them is gone. Such a person is ALWAYS hungry...because his or her brain is not wired to let him or her know when "enough" has been eaten. If you are one of these people,perhaps you should stop blaming yourself, but instead set reasonable expectations of what you are likely to be able to lose and then maintain, a sensible eating regime (NOT a diet--they NEVER work!), along with exercise you can tolerate and are likely to stick with.Eat meals that are foods you like but moderate the portions...never put serving dishes on the table, but serve food onto plates so that you will not be tempted to load up your plate more than once.

Never make yourself feel that you are "weak" or "unworthy" because you "gave in" to a piece of cake at an office party you that you know you could have done without. That is negative thinking that only makes you feel bad about yourself and weakens your motivation to get back to the diet regime and succeed! If you only eat low fat foods and salads you know it is only a matter of time before you will see a food deprived yourself of for too long and pounce on it....that makes no sense at all!

Weight loss is best when it's gradual but it's hard to stick with a program when the pounds don't seem to be coming off and you are discouraged. My best advice here is look with pride to the small victories: the five pounds you have already lost...not the sixty-five you still have left to go!

THE ADVICE SISTERS AGREE: Don't "punish" yourself for being overweight. The media and other people are already more than happy to be insensitive and cruel for you!Remind yourself, even if no one else does of your positive features and assets (you know you have some!) Be the BEST you can be at any weight you are.

We think that what really counts is that you are beautiful inside as well as out! A normal weight person with a mean spirit can never really look beautiful. Remember, losing weight is just one part of being a beautiful person. Your real happiness must come from within!

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

Before I get into specifics, I'd like to suggest that part of your distress over your weight may be due to unreasonable expectations placed on people, especially women, to be "thin." In America, for example, being "thin" is equated with happiness, love, success, money, and power. Being thin (and healthy) is a fine goal, but if the rest of your life and your attitude aren't also healthy, losing weight will not bring you these things, or a sense of well-being! All over the world women are subjected to photo after photo of professional models. We are told that they are the ideal, and we should try and look just like them. But we are NOT them!

Every woman is unique, special and beautiful in her own way. Trying to look like a very young model is unreasonable and a cruel goal for the average adult. Keep in mind that fashion is a youth-oriented business and full of illusion: many of the models you admire are very, very young, with childlike bodies that real adults can't ever have without using major surgery! These young models often literally starve themselves- sacrificing their health and well-being in later years to look fashionable now in current, form-fitting clothes. Additionally, without the lighting, the glamorous clothes, the pretty scenery, the team of makeup artists and hairstylists who spend HOURS getting the "look" just right and fixing up any face or hair problems as they happen, and "airbrushing" out any flaws, those models are not pretty at all. Most are pale, unhealthy, unremarkable, and sometimes, just plain UGLY! Most of us naturally LOT better than they do without their makeup! You say that you love food and cannot resist it. Almost EVERYONE loves food and finds it hard to resist! Eating good food is one of life's joys. I hope you never lose that! However, it seems from your letter that you are possibly failing at your dieting goals because you have unrealistic expectations about what you should look like, and how you can and should lose the weight. Here are some things to consider: People who wish to be healthy and at normal weight know:

- that they must eat to live, but they try NOT to live to eat! They try not to binge, but if they DO eat more at a meal than they know is good for them, they moderate their calorie and fat intake more carefully the next couple of days to compensate for that entire box of cookies they just polished off in front of the TV!

- that not everyone is physically built to be model-thin. They set sensible goals for what their bodies should look like and work towards a healthy image instead of just being "skinny."

-they don't try to lose weight too fast with quick, fad diets.

- they must exercise regularly! - not to starve themselves. Eat when you feel the need, but make good decisions. I've never known anyone who said "My love life stinks and I'm so miserable, I think I'll have a piece of lettuce!" Have the things you crave, but do it in moderation!

Do not consider setbacks as "failures" but as learning experiences. Get involved in something else in your life that you CAN be great at and that makes you feel worthwhile. I'd suggest volunteering if you have the time...you'll get out of the house, away from the food, and you'll be too busy being admired and appreciated for WHO YOU ARE to think about eating too much!

love and happiness to you